New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
