Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
