Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
