I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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