woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
