I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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