She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
