Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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