i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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