No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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