WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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