i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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