So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
