The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
