I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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