I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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