Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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