Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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