I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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