Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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