lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
