The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
false alarm, still single
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
