so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
