Sponge bath it is.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
