There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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