It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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