will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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