Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
