Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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