They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
