I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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