Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
