I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are two peas in an std pod
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
