On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
