Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
