Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
