Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize