If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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