Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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