I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
