so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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