right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
