I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
