After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
