your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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