Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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