heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
