Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
