Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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