I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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