I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have fence marks all over my body
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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