This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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