): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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