i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
