I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
