Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
