thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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