Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the day after is always just damage control
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
