I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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