i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
