Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
