it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
