Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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