just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
