OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
