oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
