i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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