I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
