Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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